FC Irlande - Matchday 3

Manzah 1 – 2 FC Irlande

We made hard work of it, but got the win we deserved on a very hot day against limited but spirited opposition. I’m feeling the effects of their spirit on my leg, where I took a late kick; my lower back where I took a hefty knee and my ear where I took a swift right hook.

The pitch was the latest generation astro turf. It’s great for smooth passing, but it radiates heat, and there was plenty of it to radiate on this day. When the ref eventually showed up and got the match started we quickly got on top and began creating chances. I missed the first of four golden opportunities when Sean fed a good ball over the top for me to run on to. I rounded the keeper, but from a tight angle on managed to clip the post. Sean went off a few minutes later when he collided with the keeper and sprained his ankle, though from pitiful the way the keeper screamed you’d have thought it was he who had sprained something.

Iwan came on for Sean and Sigve came up front with me. It wasn’t ideal to make a change so early, but it didn’t interrupt our flow. Charles and Yann were dominating midfield and linking up well with David. It was a neat pass from the Spaniard that put me through and allowed me to square to Sigve who tapped into an empty net. It marked a great return for the Norwegian, looking ever so slightly lighter on his feet in his first game of the season after having his appendix removed.

The goal was contentious – they claimed offside – and in the second half we got a taste of it ourselves. A ball over the top was heading straight for one of their blokes standing in an offside position, but he made no effort to play it and instead let one of his team mates in to lob Chris from the edge of the box. 1-1.

It may have been their only shot on target in the match. Our defense of Adrian, Fred and Alec were dominant, and the midfield was still running the show. Though tired from the intense heat, we battled on and continued to create chances. David had a couple of good efforts saved, Fred headed over from a corner, and I missed a great one-on-one. When that last effort sailed wide I had the feeling it wasn’t going to be our day.

Mercifully they made one final mistake. I pounced on a loose pass in midfield and fed David on the edge of the box. Running onto the ball he opened up his body and stroked a brilliant first-time effort into the far corner with his right foot. Elation. I’m not proud of what I did next, but it’s worth sharing just to give a taste of amateur football at this level.

First of all, some context. Once they had equalised, their most vociferous fan on the sideline kept holding onto the ball when it went out in an effort to waste time and to prevent us from taking quick throw ins. On one occasion he did it to me, and I mildly pointed out that he was a ‘connard’. This is the French word for wanker, prick, dickhead, or any other penis-related insult you can think of. He took great offence to this and spent the next few minutes berating me. A few minutes later we had a corner, but one of their blokes was down injured near the halfway line. Tired of this man’s insults and his general dick-headedness, I decided to round things off by saying, ‘ta mere’ – your mother. This is a very bad insult to anyone, but especially to Arabs (Manzah are an all-Moroccan team). Arab men love their mothers. That must be why they make them wear veils and burkahs all the time, to show just how much they respect them. Anyway, with the ref fifty yards away with his back turned, one of their players punched me hard in my left ear. I didn’t react, at least until we’d scored the winner. “You want the ball? It’s over there,” I said to our number one fan. He came storming on the pitch and had to be restrained by his own players. He got sent to the stands, I got a yellow card. As I said, I’m not proud.

Acrimony aside we got the win we deserved and can look forward to the game against the British next week with real optimism. Our back line and midfield are looking more and more formidable, and if yours truly can put away some of these chances then we’ll be flying.

FC Irlande: Chris, Adrian, Fred, Alec, Ori (Mark), Charles, Yann, Sigve (Axel), Sean (Iwan), Ross

Goals: Sigve, David

Man of the match: Fred and Charles. The former bossed things at the back, and the latter terrorised the midfield like an angry French poodle off the leash.