Why I left facebook

One of the common reactions I get when I tell people I was on facebook, but then quit is, "wow, you can quit facebook?" Yes, you can. Unlike a woman who wants to leave Saudi Arabia, members of this social networking site are free to come and go as they please.

"But why on earth would you want to do that?" I'm often asked. Why indeed. Having amassed a friends list nearly 400 strong, why did I abandon ship and return to using primitive socialising tools like email and mobile phones or even, dare I say, talking face to face?

Even when I was part of facebook, I always said I'd quit by the age of 40. In my opinion this should be the age limit for joining a website that was created by university students for other university students, filled with many gismos and gadgets that are considered uncool even among teenagers. The presence of people old enough to be my mum, and who in fact were friends with my mum, was one of the straws that broke the camel's back.

The aforementioned gismos, better known as "applications", also became insufferable. "So-and-so gave you a shot". "Person-you- barely-know poked you". "What's-his-face has challenged you to a duel". These are the kind of messages I'd expect if my secretary was the Mad Hatter and I was the president of Wonderland. What am I supposed to do with his information? And more importantly, why am I friends with people who enjoy proliferating it? How am I supposed to react when someone tells me they lost 30,000 "chips" playing poker?

The surrealism didn't end there though. Once people had added every application known to man (and several previously unknown to man) there came the invasion of the personality quizzes. Any vestige of intelligence ("Which historical figure are you?" for example, or "Which modern day politician are you?") quickly evaporated in a tidal wave of inanity ("What comic book are you?"), childishness ("What 'Lion King' character are you?") and mind-numbing specificity ("What kind of ipod are you?"). Like most things on facebook, these quizzes were a complete waste of time, but worse than that, they were sycophantic beyond belief. "What kind of 'Lion King' character are you?" "You're Simba, the King of the Pride." "What kind of car are you?" "You're a Ferrari. Sleak, beautiful, and classy." There was never a hint of criticism or honesty. "What kind of ipod are you?" "You're that thick, useless prototype apple came up with back in 2001." "Which historical figure are you?" "You're Hitler: you're a complete lunatic and crap at painting." This last one describes about half my friends. Then, with peoples narcissism and self-obsession still unsatisfied, there came the quizzes people made about themselves.

However the thing that really told me I need to leave this world of idleness were the status updates. If I were to concoct a list of utterly ridiculous status updates and put them next to a list of real ones you wouldn't be able to tell the difference. With each glance at my homepage I became increasingly depressed that I was friends with people who thought it necessary to write such drivel. "X just is". Wow, how esoteric. "Y is thinking when will one of these fish swim her way." Probably when you change out of your Little Mermaid pajamas, put your daddy's laptop away and start acting like a grown up. And your status update is a question, so it needs a question mark. "Z is so sorry. RIP buddy." Really? You're eulogising your friend via your status update? I'm sure he or she would be so touched that you went to so much effort.

I've concluded from all this that I prefer a little less information. I prefer to not hear from my friends every minute of the day, or even everyday, nor to see every single picture they've ever taken. It's good to go without something for a while. It makes you realise how much it means to you. Facebook is an overload of information, most of it useless and embarrassing. Part of the process of quitting the site is being forced to answer the question 'why are you leaving facebook?' "Because it's a brutal dictatorship that is destroying millions of minds. If you were a historical figure you would be Pol Pot. Goodbye."